Since I have been alerted to the fact that I had typos in my book Cupcakes and the Centre of the Universe and no mainstream book has ever had typos in it (don’t laugh yet) I decided to give it to one of the thousands of extremely reliable editors and go mainstream with it. Instead of my original comedy about space travel and cupcakes solving an existential crisis it is now:

Night’s Cresent

The fantastic, mainstream and typo-free story of Generica a teenage girl who falls in love with a mysterious boy at school no one has ever seen before. Not only is he mysterious but he is a 900,000 year old vampire. But he is not your average everyday vampire. Normallo is sensitive and kind and only wants to get married and go outside in the daytime (which he can do thanks to the wonders of sparkly vampire sun screen he gets at Boots).

It isn’t until Normallo meets Generica that he realises he has found the true love that he has been searching for his whole life. But wait! What’s this? A villain who tries to break them up? He’s in love with Generica? Normallo has to fight him using only his super-human strength and taste for blood? Well, I don’t know that sounds pretty intense for me. Gee whiz, Batman.

Yay! He gets the girl and they go on a perfectly mainstream honeymoon and have a baby shortly after (we’ll call it nine months). Then the baby grows up and gets married and moves out of his parents house because this is a mainstream world where only perfect things happen with no typos, story errors or even formatting problems.

I sure am glad I paid those editors to change my story to something completely different. How else would I have gotten rid of that pesky originality?

You can laugh now. Or be offended. If you’re an editor/proofreader be very offended. If you’re one of millions who think I should hire an editor/proofreader to change everything about my story because you were confused by what was going on (i.e. weren’t paying attention) be extremely offended.

Maybe after sixteen more “failed” (failed is code for surreal usually) I will beg someone to let me pay them hundreds of dollars to change everything about my story and then lie to me and say that it’s still mine “in essence”. I would much rather be indie with a book published than consider myself mainstream hanging around in critique groups so discouraged that I never put anything out there.